The Curse of Secrets or what happened in that club.
In the the "Our Swingerversary Holiday part 1: Gran Canaria" I briefly mentioned that Mr L and I had to have big long talk about our visit to a certain club. The club in particular was called Secrets and for Mr L it comes with a lot of baggage. How serious his issues were with that club, I did not realise until the day after, when it all came spilling out. In this post, Mr L tells us in his own words what went through his mind when we ended back up in Secrets.
The Curse of Secrets stems from Easter 2019. Mrs L and I were in Gran Canaria for the first time, albeit on a family holiday and managed to get a few nights out on our own. We visited what is probably the most popular swingers bar in the area and it wasn't long before we were invited to join a group on a nearby table. They were lovely and we had good fun. For me the talk wasn't particularly sexy and although I enjoyed myself, but I was not getting into a sexy mood. Mrs L was though - it doesn't take much, a little wine and a few good looking men paying her attention. After a couple of hours in the bar they invited us to join them in a club called Secrets.
From the moment I walked, in I felt a bit uncomfortable. It was loud, like a nightclub rather than a sex club and there were lots of local single men milling around. My guard was up a little. Mrs L on the other hand was really in the mood and heavily flirting with the sexiest man of the group. (Her thoughts). I was new to swinging and felt jealous. I hadn't learnt to turn jealous thoughts into positive sexual ones. We all moved into the playroom, this was again not sensual, just a big plasticky, long bed. Sexy man's wife and I had converged and we embraced. I wasn't relaxed though and positioned her on the bed and gave her oral in a bid to gain more time. After a while she wanted more or maybe different and she went down on me. I was struggling to get a hard erection, but just about OK and then she suggested condoms. I was slightly anxious. I wasn't relaxed and I wasn't very experienced with them. We put one on and we fucked. I didn't think that I was good though. Never really hard, not really in the mood and didn't think that I was doing a very good job. Afterwards she was lovely about it but I had a lot to think about. Mrs L on the other hand really enjoyed herself, however she didn't get fucked by the sexiest man. She was all set to, but he wandered out for a moment and someone else moved in. We met again 2 nights later in the popular bar. Mrs L and I had agreed beforehand that regardless we would try a different club. We had fun in the bar with this same group and Mrs L was definitely in the mood to stay with them and go back to Secrets. However she reluctantly stuck to her agreement and I regrettably agreed to let her choose the venue for next time. Mrs L was subdued in the other club. She was missing all the company. I was happier though, certainly more relaxed. Eventually Mrs L warmed a little and we had some really good fun in a playroom; parallel playing with a few different couples with a little interaction. I enjoyed it more than Mrs L. I think she felt that she’d missed out. So two nights later, our last night, we visited our usual favourite bar and met up with our group of new friends. Again we had good fun and we were also joined by another couple. They were good company but a bit older and not really my type to play with. Mrs L was enjoying herself and I knew she would be getting excited about Secrets. I was getting slightly nervous. After a few drinks and laughs it was time to move on. This group seemed to have a routine where, en route to Secrets, they would make the first moves in selecting their play partners for Secrets. In retrospect and in a more relaxed mood, that would have been the time for me to choose my most compatible playmate. Inevitably I didn't. In the bar area at Secrets, I sensed some chemistry with one of the women I liked, but didn't have the confidence to go for it and as we moved on to the playroom, I got paired up with the person I felt I had the least chemistry, the female half of the older couple. We played a little, but I wasn't up for it and I really struggled getting aroused. I certainly didn't give her a good time and she moved on before too long had passed. When Mrs L had finished with her partner, we played a little together, but my heart wasn't really into it. We came out out of the playroom and I just wanted the earth to swallow me up, or at least be somewhere quiet with Mrs L. However she wanted a bit longer with the group. It was loud, the naked single men were still circulating and I was feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Unfortunately for both of us Mrs L missed out on her sexy man again. We’re not sure how that didn't happen, maybe it was partly due to her sticking close to support me. This meant that Mrs L had unfinished business! The previous year we had already booked to come back in the following October and the same group coincidentally were arranging to be out at about the same time. Mrs L was already getting excited. I was already suggesting that I wouldn't be going to Secrets. In August, sexy man sent a message about us meeting up again in PDI in October. I was visibly neutral about it. Mrs L questioned my lack of enthusiasm. My mind was already on Secrets. However I liked him and the group and I was happy to play with them or for simply Mrs L to have her man but we agreed that we wouldn't go to Secrets! October comes and we’re back in our favourite bar. We have two groups of friends there: the Secrets crowd and a local to home group. On the third night we spend a lot of time with the Secrets crowd and I see Mrs L becoming more and more hungry for her sexy man. Together with this group, we were also spending time with a couple that we had met in our hotel; we called them Smiles. After a few hours in the bar, the Secrets crowd moved on to there and I heard Mrs L assuring sexy man that she would be following later. So much for the no Secrets promise! We finished our drinks and the 4 of us also left. I was in a real dilemma. I didn't want to go to Secrets. Mrs L did. We both had reservations about some of the people who would be in the other club. I would have preferred to go back to the hotel but I was also mindful that we’d kind of teamed up with Smiles. I had so many thoughts going through my head and felt I needed more time to make a decision about where to go, I just didn't know what to do for the best. In the end we put the decision in their hands - inevitably they chose the dreaded Secrets!!! As soon as we entered I was anxious, I wished that I could have "defragged" my mind and had a fresh point of view. Regardless I don't think I would have taken to it anyway. The Secrets crowd were down to their underwear and close to moving to playrooms. Mrs L did her best to get me in the mood with her sexy dancing and stripping down to her lingerie, but I was too anxious for that. Then it was time for playroom and we were invited along. I didn't want to go, but Mrs L was really up for it. We had a frantic discussion. Smiles detected an issue and said their goodbyes. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to deprive Mrs L of a fun time but I didn't want to embarrass myself again. I knew that going back to the hotel would be the best option, but I did not really want to end the night just yet and I didn't want to spoil Mrs L's fun. I suggested she go along and I have a drink at the bar. Deep down we both knew that we didn't want to separate ourselves like that, but we didn't have time to think things through properly. In the end I told Mrs L to go and I’d follow. I would get a locker, get undressed and come and join her. By the time I got in there Mrs L had hooked up with a nice Scottish man - but not sexy man! (He was sexy in his own way! - Mrs L) I wasn't in the mood for play and would have been happy to sit back and watch. These play rooms weren't set up for that though, there were no cosy seats or couches, just the big plastic bed in the dark and noisy room. So I sat on the end of the bed hoping to be invisible. Nice Scottish man's wife noticed me and kindly asked me to join in. We kissed and played and eventually she wanted to give me a blow job. I did suggest that it might need some working on! I was beginning to relax a little and I was starting to enjoy it. I certainly enjoyed seeing and hearing Mrs L getting fucked with her stockinged high heeled legs held high. Before long nice Scottish man had cum and Mrs L moved over to help on me. I’m not sure whether this was a good thing or not. It might have put me under more pressure but knowing that she was there for me meant a lot. I was on my back and Mrs L jumped on. We fucked for little but it was a bit forced and we gave up after a short time. We went back in the bar area to regroup. I thanked nice Scottish man's wife for including me and being so patient - she was lovely and meant well. But I simply wanted to leave. Unfortunately Mrs L was really enjoying herself; even more so when other friendly and familiar faces appeared. Eventually Mrs L dragged herself away from flirting and understood that I needed to go. We walked home, I was a bit down. It was about 5 am when we eventually went to sleep. I was troubled and awoke at 9.I lay there trying to get back to sleep but it wasn't happening, last nights events were being played over in my mind. Mrs L was sleeping blissfully. I got up and dressed and left a note on my side of the bed just in case she woke up. I headed down to the beach and walked along the sea edge. It was relaxing and in between the distractions of the dozens of nudists milling around there was lots of thinking. Am I simply not suited for swinging? Should I suggest we just stop doing it? Plenty of couples dip their toes in and decide its not for them. The thought of stopping also scared me. Swinging has bought us so much closer together, our communication has improved multifold. Our sex life has exploded. Our social life has mushroomed and we have some ever deepening friendships. I've also seen Mrs L blossom. She’s become sexier, more confident, more sociable and simply more fun. Could she handle us stopping? Would it put a massive strain on us? Could we go back to vanilla nights out? Rather than the fun and excitement of clubs and nights out with fun interesting people. I walked through the various kiosk zones of beach, then turned around and retraced my steps arriving eventually back in the hotel room. Mrs L was still in contented sleep. When she stirred, I lay next to her and we cuddled as we do every morning. I couldn't help but cry. I haven't cried for decades but emotion poured out.
That morning when I woke up and almost instantly found Mr L crying in my arms, came as a real surprise. I was confused and being still half asleep, I had absolutely no idea what was happening. Then all the above worries came out. We had an initial chat, long cuddle and I reassured him that I loved him. It was clear that we had a lot of talking to do. After breakfast, we found ourselves in one of the cosy secluded double beds by the pool and got chatting. I knew he did not like that club, but had not really understood how deep these issues really ran. We had talked about the options we had at the time and leaving was one of them, but Mr L, wanting to see me happy, had quickly dismissed it. He knew I would sulk and did not want to deal with that. That afternoon by the pool. we talked about how, yes, I would have been disappointed, but it wouldn't have been the deep unhappiness of the situation he found himself in. I would have much rather gone back to the hotel, then having him cry in my arms the next day. I reminded him of something I had heard on the "We Gotta Thing" podcast recently: "it's better to regret something you haven't done, than something you have done." What Mr L probably did not realise at the time, is that our Easter trip to Secrets had got me reflecting on my behaviour at the time. I had realised that I had been quite selfish and that I had been moving at a faster pace, leaving Mr L behind. This was something that had me feeling quite guilty and I had vowed not to do that again. I have since worked hard on trying to slow myself down, albeit not always successfully, as Mr L will tell you. I do tend to get into a zone, where once I have my mind set on something (or someone) and I find it very hard to flip out of it. It's definitely something I need to work at myself. At Secrets I was back in that zone, however I was more aware of it and did try and check in with Mr L regularly. From our lengthy chats about that night, it has really become clear how different our memories are. E.g. I remember quite a lot of discussion of where to go after it became clear I wanted to avoid that rowdy bunch of people, while Mr L remembers a short quick discussion with no true conclusion. To me all these discrepancies in our memories, really highlight where our shortcomings are and this got us talking and reflecting on what to do to prevent a similar scenario from happening. It's something we are still working through and that I suspect is going to take quite some time to get to the bottom of. Ultimately our discussions came to the conclusion that leaving the lifestyle isn't the step that is needed. Swinging seems to be a continuous learning journey, and just when we think we know what we're doing, something crops up knock us down a notch!
I hope you found this a helpful read and til next time, my sexy readers x