If you have been reading our blog or following us on Twitter, you will know that we often go to clubs. Visiting lifestyle clubs is our main method of living the lifestyle. We do occasionally date other couples, but that does seem to be harder for us. More about that in a future blog post.
So why do we love clubs so much? After all, these are often considered to be intimidating and seedy places and that was very much my own feeling before we had ever set foot in a club. I very much remember the first time Mr L brought up the idea of going to a club and my gut reaction was no, because of impression of seediness and this idea that it will be full of people having sex everywhere and that we'd get pulled into some sort of orgy as soon as we walk in! The reality has been much different: LS clubs to us have become places where we can truly be ourselves, where we can strip back all the rules society puts upon us and have some serious sexy fun. You can make a club visit whatever you want, there is no obligation to even have sex and some nights we do choose to go, just to hang out in that open sexy environment without ever setting a foot into a play room.
Because we enjoy visiting clubs so much I thought I'd write a little about what it's really like to visit a lifestyle or swingers club and how to make the most of them. I also asked our Twitter followers what they wanted to know about clubs and will hopefully try to answer these questions too.
Where can you find these clubs?
We found our local club via an internet search for swingers clubs in our area. Unfortunately, the results are often littered with newspaper articles and the like, so it can be a little laborious to go about finding a club this way. The closest thing to a swinger club directory in the UK is the club reviews section on Fabswingers. It's divided by region and then each club has a link to their website and a little blurb followed by reviews by visitors. This can give you a bit of an idea of the facilities available at the club and the general vibe before going. However, the only way of really knowing for sure whether a club will be any good is by visiting it yourself.
Before going is there anything I should know?
It's useful to have a good look at a club's website before going. Some clubs are members only, some don't sell alcohol and you will need to bring your own drink. Often there will be a dress code. During our last visit to the Hellfire Club, we actually encountered a few couples who hadn't done their research and had turned up wearing the wrong clothing (too casual, think ripped jeans and t-shirt), hadn't registered as a member, or had not brought any alcohol. We were amazed at the amount of people who didn't seem to know the place they were visiting that night. A club's website will also let you know whether the night you plan to go happens to be a themed night, a couples night or a night where single men are allowed.
Another useful thing to do it to message the club before going. This is the most direct way to get your questions answered and it helps to break the ice upon arrival. It also lets the staff know a newbie couple is visiting and they will know to be ready for you to give you a tour.
A first club visit can be scary, so making sure it all goes smoothly really makes things a little easier.
How do we prepare ourselves for going to a club?
Firstly, make sure, as above, that you know as much as you can about the place you are visiting.
Secondly, set some ground rules with your partner: are you open to playing that night or will it be a first visit to just have a look and get to know the place? If you are open to playing: what will and won't you do: parallel play, soft swap, full swap. Or play but allow others to watch? Same room? Separate room? Play with couples, single women, single men? It's really useful to discuss all these things in advance AND to be open to change things in the moment if things don't go as you had hoped or planned.
What should we wear?
This is a probably one of the most common questions, especially for women. We all want to make a good impression and blend in after all. Well, for men I would suggest smart casual: a nice pair of trousers with a shirt in winter and maybe a polo t-shirt in summer. For women I suggest dressing in a way that makes you feel sexy and confident. There isn't really a right or wrong way. I have seen women looking super hot in skinny jeans with a pretty top all the way down to arriving in nothing more than lingerie. My go to is usually a fitted cocktail dress or a skirt with corset. I personally wear my lingerie underneath, because one of Mr L's favourite things is watching me strip off, but some women bring a bag with something to change in to. The most important thing is to wear something that makes you feel good about yourself, because then your self confidence will show and you are more likely to find that people approach you to chat to you or you might even feel so fabulous you have the courage to chat to others yourself. All clubs have a changing room, so if in doubt, you could always bring a few outfits and change after arrival if you aren't happy with what you are wearing.
One other thing to mention is that some clubs have rules about where you can be naked, e.g. not in the bar area or you must be in lingerie/boxers or towel inside the play area. Each club is different and you will be told these rules upon arrival or during a tour.
What can we actually expect to see inside a club?
No, unlike my fears, we did not walk straight into an orgy, nor did I get jumped by men who wanted instant sex! In fact, once you get inside, you will see a bar/dance floor area, usually split into a dance side and a socialising side, which comfy chairs and sofas. You will also see people standing and sitting around chatting and socialising. Not all that different from a "normal" club. The play rooms are generally, but not always, beyond this and not particularly visible. In a some clubs, a buffet of snacks will appear after midnight in the bar area. This is always a welcome sight after a night of fun in the playrooms!
What do play rooms look like?
The play rooms vary hugely between clubs. Some have lots of individual lockable rooms, others focus more on bigger communal/orgy rooms, some have functional looking rooms and other clubs have owners that have let their imagination run wild with different themes for each room. The beds tend to be covered in a wipe clean leatherette material, which isn't particularly comfy in my opinion, but functional and hygienic. You would not want to lie on a wet spot left by someone else, yuk! Rooms also tend to come with wipes and cleaning spray to clean up after yourself and some clubs even have bowls of condoms in each room. But I would suggest that it is best to make sure you always have your own condoms on you. These bowls are often filled latex condoms and latex allergies are pretty common.
Most clubs also have a BDSM dungeon. In some clubs these seem token-ish and in others these are really well equipped and much used. The dungeon tends to have the big equipment, but things like floggers, paddles and canes are brought in by those using the dungeon.
Will we be expected to play with other couples?
No! You make your club experience what you want it to be. One of our favourite things about going to a club is that we can hang out with other open-minded people and chat about sexy things, but there's no expectation to actually join in. It's actually a very low pressure environment. It all depends very much on our own mood. Some people go to clubs to explore kink or try equipment, such as a sex swing, that we don't tend to have at home. Others are exhibitionists only really interested in playing with each other in public and yet other visitors are voyeurs that never play.
How do we get chatting and make connections?
Walking into a club for the first time and seeing all these strangers can be intimidating and it is tempting to just go and sit in a corner with a drink and stay there. Some people feel clubs can be cliquy, but Mr L and I don't think this is really the case. It is natural for regulars to greet each other and chat together, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are not open to talking to others.
Over the year (and a bit) we've been regular club goers I have developed a few strategies for making connections. It's important to remember that you cannot expect to sit in a corner facing each other and expect others to approach you. You have to give off the right body language: open, smiling, friendly. You can scan the room, but don't ogle, that gives off creep vibes! A favourite strategy of mine is to complement someone on their clothes/shoes/hair. It's usually well received and often leads to conversation and if it doesn't, then at least you have made someone feel good about themselves. And of course, that can work the other way around. If you decide to wear something a little different, that stands out, then it's likely someone will come up to you to comment.
Don't worry about looking like newbies. A lot of people, including us, love talking to newbies, taking them under their wing and help them get comfortable in a club.
In the past we have also used Fabswingers to let others know we are going to be at a particular club and that we'd love to meet up with others for a no-strings-attached social. This can be useful as you will already have a friendly face waiting for you when you get there.
Going to theme nights can also make starting conversations easier. Unique costumes always get a lot of attention and with that comes conversation.
We also often end up striking up conversations in the hot tub. Not all clubs have hot tubs, but when they do there's something about that hot watery environment that makes striking up conversation much more easy.
Are there any behavioural rules in clubs?
Yes, there's something called club etiquette. It's pretty much the same wherever you go in the world. These simple ground rules are pretty easy to remember and makes life more pleasant for everyone:
- No phones: some clubs even require them to be handed in upon arrival. This rule of course exists to protect the privacy of those visiting the club. No one wants to suddenly find pictures of themselves in a swingers club on the internet
- No touching without consent: Our experience is that this truly gets adhered to very well. You're more likely to get groped in a busy pub, than a swinger club. That does come with a caveat from us. Our experience is that this is the case on couples nights and couple only clubs and in clubs that are strict about single male/couple ratios. We have been in clubs where there are a lot of single men and there unwanted touching has happened. They back off as soon as you tell them to stop, but that doesn't make it OK. It's because of experiences like this that we tend to stick to couple only nights.
- Always ask consent: that's very similar to the first rule, but covers more than just touching. e.g. don't enter an occupied play room without checking it's OK. Don't get on a bed to parallel play without checking it's OK,...
- Open/closed doors in play rooms: If a couple is in a play room and they have closed the door, it means that no one else is invited. If they play in a play room, but leave the door open, then watching is OK and it is OK to ask if you can join them on the bed.
- Leave the room as clean and tidy as you find it, or even cleaner and tidier! Use the wipes and/or spray provided.
Phew! This was a long long post, but I hope that it might take the mystery out of clubs a little for those that have never been to one before. Of course everything I have written comes from our experience, which is of course in the UK. Clubs abroad do operate a little differently. It may very well be that you don't agree or feel that we have forgotten something. If we have, do let us know and I will add it to my post for future readers.
Until next time, with another more sexy post,
Love
Mrs L xx